Rewatched Sex and The City (the movie) again...how many times is it now? Everytime it ends, i feel a pang of sadness, as if i just lost a good friend. The HBO version stood by me in my times of darkness and i'm reminded of just how blessed it is to have good friends around.
Good friends who painted my small one room apartment together when i first decided to start a new life with Shane. Good friend who, despite being midnite at that time, came all the way from one end of Singapore to the other end just so she can take me and Shane away. She even got her hubby to activate his friends to drive their cars to where i was staying before coz yours truly had luggages big and small and one car was not enough. Or good friend who didn't mind massaging my oily head when i had a real bad headache but couldn't take panadols coz i was pregnant with Shane. You may think it's nothing, but my dear readers, we were at Burger King then and it was packed with watchful people!
I miss my friends, although some are still near me, but there are a few who are so far away from me now. At one part of the movie, the part where this song was played - the new year's eve nite where Carrie got out of bed, braved the cold and went to Miranda's apartment. Remember that scene?
One should never be alone on new year's eve. It's a taboo. A big no no! Which was why i started my own tradition when Shane was born, that is, we will always spend the last day of the year and the beginning of the new one together. And i hope this tradition will last as long as i live.
Watching Shane make silly faces, singing silly songs, saying silly things to make me laugh, slow dancing with me, these were some of the best moments of my life. And not forgetting his constant request to marry me. Really, how sweet can that be? Do you guys say that to your mommy too when you were young? Nah, you probably can't remember.
Come Thursday, Shane is officially seven. Growing up without a constant father figure proved to be some struggles for Shane at times. I remember something he told me when we were waiting to take the cable car ride in Seaworld, Brisbane. Shane saw another family where the father was carrying a little boy hugging a teddy bear and he said to me, "Mommy, if only i have a papa here with us, then he can protect us on the cable car. But i don't have." That moment, my eyes gave way to two large tears.
I have always done my very best for him and i'm glad to be still doing the same. Although ex-man was never there for us, but it never once brought us to despair. Instead, it fused both me and Shane so tightly together that we almost become one. And that itself gives me strength to continue till now. I can never forget how his innocent eyes used to tear when i told him i'm getting old. To him, being old equates to dying. He wants me to be always with him and i have to reassure him i will always be with him as long as he wants me to. And should i return to God far earlier than expected, i will be his special angel and always be there to protect him.
I live for the moment, i care nought for tomorrow or yesterday and i know all the beautiful moments will come to an end. When my baby bird's wings are strong enough and ready to fly away from our cosy nest, all these bittersweet memories will then be my companion in my journey to the end. It's inevitable. It will happen one day and i hate to think of that.
My Shane is the star of my life. He has many talents that i'm pretty proud of. He's smart in his little way and he can remember the most amazing things i said, which sometimes can be rather embarrasing.
As for me, getting emotional is my number one talent. Now let me go dry my tears.
