How Heavy Is Your Heart?

Mine was overweight, and it was a struggle carrying it around but it's a lot better now.


The phone call came on Thursday nite when i was about to leave my office. The news stunned me for a long time and i just sat there, unable to believe a word. My heart skipped a few beats and then it seemed to have stopped for a few seconds, as though the javelin from the hand of Andreas Thorkildson pierced right through my heart. I was choked with tears, i couldn't speak. I wish it was me that has this rotten evil illness but when i looked at Shane's smiling faces and beautiful drawings in front of me, i knew i couldn't afford to pick up this tab too. Life is full of such heartbreaking dilemmas, isn't it?


All i could think of that moment was to send a text message to Fen, asking her to pray for my sister. I couldn't talk to anyone, the tears were still choking me. I called a cab and cried all the way home. I was devastated. I didn't have dinner that nite and if i could starve myself just to get her recovered, i will. I told Becks the next day that i'm willing to be his slave for life, or for my ten lives or more if he can take the cancer away from her. I told Karen and Aud that i would kiss a certain disgusting worm and be nicer to him just so my sister will get better.


I made those who care for me at work worried when i kept my room door shut the whole of Friday morning. Aud caught me crying in my room. Subsequently, Champion went asking Aud what was wrong with me and whether did anyone give me trouble at work, for if that was the case, let him know. Talked about 'He-Man', that was what Aud called him that day and that was the reason why i put in 110% for Champ coz he cares for me, like a surrogate father at work :)


I am blessed to have Champ looking after me but i fight my own battle at work. However, when it was the work of God, there was little i can do. The fear of losing my sister was very real that Thursday nite. I lost a loved one before and i'm not willing to lose another. When mom passed away on Mother's Day many years ago, my sister took over the role of looking after me and my younger bro. She was the one who volunteered to work in Dad's company while the rest of us pursued whatever we wanted freely.


Fen told me to read Matthew 7.7-11 "Ask, and it will be given to you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you. Everyone who asks receives; everyone who searches finds; everyone who knocks will have the door opened; is there anyone among you who would hand his son a stone when he asked for bread? Or would hand him a snake when he asked for a fish? If you, then, evil as you are, know how to give your children what is good, how much more will your Father in Heaven give good things to those who ask Him".


I have been saying my prayers faithfully now and i ended all my prayers with the above. And i know God will listen to me once again and shower my sister with His blessings.


This past one week, i spent it with her, taking care of her. I left my work to my boss in Sydney, another great lady who gave me the whole week off instead of deducting them from my annual leaves but of course with Champion's approval. I'm returning to Singapore tomorrow but i know going forward, i will make sure to spend more time with my family. And if you are like me, spending hours in the office after the official closing time, take a pause. Have you neglected your family? Is there really no way to strike a balance between work and family? I don't have an answer for you yet but right now, work will take the back seat. Family should always come first. I have learnt this lesson and i'm glad it's still not too late.


Lastly, thank you everyone for your kind emails and messages. I am very touched by all your concern. I apologize for not explaining myself properly and to have made you worry. I'm fine now :)


Btw Bumbum, i recalled your nick from my moblog days, are you the same one? Akai dear, thanks for your email, i have not forgotten about you at all, your email came as a surprise tho but it was comforting. Sunkist, thanks for telling me that and therefore i am confident my sister will get well. Mike and Tony, sometimes i wonder, are you both brothers for you two seemed to be able to read my mind and emailed me the same things :D? Janice, Siew Ping and Ruby, thank you for your messages, everything is alright for the moment. And Shufang, i have replied you :). Snowie, thanks for telling me about the program. It will no doubt be a tough fight, but fight we will.


For those who send me messages on Facebook, thank you, i will reply soon.